Wednesday, November 30, 2016


After an extremely rough November, I have been blesssed the last couple of days. Yesterday, 3 babies were born into my family. I will also be working part time for the agency that gives families interest free loans for adoption. (Never quitting postmates or uber eats!)  There are a lot of barriers for families who want to adopt. Money is by far not the only one, but it starts with money. May God help me

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Two ideas

It has been made clear to me to go back to working with children. Think about God telling Moses, "WHO MADE MAN'S MOUTH?!?!"
It's been made clear to me that I was sent here to remain celibate, have no more children, and devote the rest of my life like I did when I was 19. The gods are not letting me off the hook.

One idea is more positive and one a little iffy.  The positive one is the Rebecca Foundation for free
Cloth diapers. I love cloth diapers, they are so much fun!!! Since Annalise was born in early June, she often wore just a super cute all in one diaper and t shirt.

The iffy one is an organization that offers interest free loans for families who want to adopt. Keep in mind that working with abused kids for 17 years has put a cynic in me. I personally wonder what percentage of thekids are actually orphaned and which are kidnapped and sold. Like why does it have to be expensive?  Realistically all you'd have to pay for are your travel experiences and your lawyer. But I'm not letting that stop me. I will learn as I discover which kids have records.

I filled out both forms over the holiday.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

How I differ from others

In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.

Anne FrankThe Diary of a Young Girl

I don't like to see evil, or the devil in people. I like to look on their good side. We all have one.  

Moses the advocate

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Forbidden love tattoo

I'm getting one.
All my life, I've been condemned and punished for being in a relationship, even married.
Lately, a young man and I developed feelings for each other. That's normal, right?  No. He's actually not allowed to have a darn thing to do with women, not even "thoughts". Our thoughts have been considered from the devil. That hurt more than anything else. I may have even gotten him in serious trouble, though there's no way to know.
I chopped off all my hair. My tattoo will be a heart and infinity symbol made from bared wire with the word "forbidden". I don't know why God sent me here to be alone.  And if he is in trouble in any way, I wish I could take it all for him.
Life has been hell the past couple days.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Why be beautiful

I used to think a woman's long hair was her crown of glory. I stopped believing that yesterday and chopped it. The truth is, we have no crown of glory. It's been taken from us. 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

I can understand both of these people. I can be both of them. I have both perspectives. Love and companionship is a natural human desire, but your gift is also your curse and friendship is all you have to give. And sometimes not even that.

A calling is truly a gift and a curse. But what can you do? Just like God hath said what He
Hath joined together, let no man put asunder. In the same way, I believe there are people who wish they could be together forever, but due to His calling on their lives, God Himself puts them asunder. And however much it hurts, it is what it is.

Sometimes there is not even friendship to be given.

As I grow closer to God, I realize that He wants me to go back to working with children at risk.
It's a religious calling to me, and often the religious calling of the one you have found that you have feelings for each other may force you to never see him again.

I think most of all, besides stopping having feelings for this person, I need to have to stop having feelings that God is sometimes a jerk. Just like Peter Parker said in that clip, I can't tell you everything. There was, and will be too much evil and ugliness. But learning today about gratitude, thank God I was reminded of all the ways I brought light into the darkness. I can do it again.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

cant say it anymore

There is a Greek phrase: Eimai Aroste.  It means "I'm sick."
My mom often told me about her aunt. Every time they asked her how she was, she'd totally exaggerate the phrase.  "Eeeeeeemaaiiii  aaaaarosteeee."
my parents and i sort of picked it up.  First my mom did, then i did.
i found out that my great grandmother died at age 45.  I asked my mom what happened.  She said that aunt murdered her with a pillow in her face.
A few minutes later, I found out my great grandmother's name ~ Maria Kolidis Papadatos.  I decided I'd never ever use that phrase again, because the woman we got it from killed my great grandmother.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Annalise's ancestrydna test

it will be about a month before we ger her results, but we did the test yesterday:

mine was so rewarding.  Her father doesnt know or care what he is. His stepmother does, but Annalises grandfather doesnt know or care, just like his son.  i hope she has native american.  I had way less than 1% Native American, so if she has a considerable amount, then it comes from John.

My mother wants to do it to , to make sure my 10% jewish didnt come from her.  I said than buy yourself one, you anti-semitic.  I think it really is from my dad. He has looked jewish since he was very young

Friday, November 11, 2016


Extreme couponing brag:

I had a $4 off for duo fusion heartburn chews and the Ibotta rebate was also $4 back. So I just spent 49 cents on an $8.49 thing.

It all makes me feel so accomplished,  like I can be a blessing to others and myself  

Monday, November 7, 2016


Congrats to my friend Lupe from the children's museum and her husband George. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Pimp doc

That's my mom and her orthopedic doctor. She had an appointment on Halloween, and I think he was supposed to be Zorro. But he looks like a pimp to me. He cannot convince my mother to have knee surgery. Last time she went under the knife, she had an NDE, but won't talk about it. 


Today would have been Evan and Jennifer's 4th wedding anniversary. I miss you so much kiddo

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Prayers needed

Officer Williams was a security guard at the children's museum when I worked there. This is him and Annalise on Halloween 2011. He has had two strokes in a row and is not doing well. Prayers are needed. He was a cop in New Orleans and suffered some PTSD from hurricane Katrina. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion (Video)

I don't know why I'm on such an R.E.M. kick.  A I back in high school?  Loosing my religion- I have officially lost my parents' religion.  I want nothing to do with it anymore.  My parents do not know that I talked to their priest, but I did.  My main concern was making sure my brain got donated to research for my neurological condition if I died before my parents.  To make a long story short, he asked me if I "repented" of my "relationship" with Annalise's father.  Annalise's father and I were legally married in the courthouse, but we were not married in the church.  In the church's eyes, that means I wasn't really married.  They see it as, I was shacking up and had a baby out of wedlock.  I told the priest, no.  I don't repent.  We were married legally.  It ended sadly, but I cannot regret something that gave me my child. 

He then said that unless I went to confession and repented, I could not take communion.  I was like ok, bye.

Good news is, I think I'm joining another church.  My next lesson is in less than 2 hours. 

R.E.M. - The One I Love

I totally forgot about this song.  I don't even think I've even thought about this song since I was in high school.  But, ever since Evan passed away, it has been stuck in my head on and off.  I found a couple of archived voicemails from Evan, and his voice really did sound like the lead singer of R.E.M.  (Never heard Even sing, but the voice of the lead singer reminds me of him.  The song reminds me of his wife and child.  He would have never left them, never in a million years. 

It is very different to loose someone young and healthy who dies instantly than it is to loose someone old/sick.  It's extremely different, and I don't care what anyone says.