Saturday, December 31, 2016

Motivational video

I did something today I knew I had to do. I unfollowed the social media pages "Janet's voice for children " and "United we stand against child abuse."  They were just too gory. Of course, all that gore was my life for so long. It had to be done.

This is a great motivational video:

We have not rung in the New Year yet, but I watched them earlier today ring in in from Australia, and it was magnificent. You can watch it here:

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Celebrity deaths

Normally, celebrity deaths don't get me emotional. George Michael's death on Christmas Day was enough to be like, oh crap that sucks and then go to YouTube and look up the duo he did with Elton John in the 80's. That was called "Don't let the Sun GoDown on Me." I loved it when I was a kid!  I played it a few times and that was it for my remembering of George Michael.
But the whole thing with Princess Laia dying and then her mother, also a renowned actress dying A DAY LATER was enough for me to need to turn off the news. Sorry, but I don't remember Princess Laia's real name. To me, she's forever Princess Laia. I didn't know who her mom was, but my parents did.
Princess Laia was 60 and her mom, 84.
Just a rude awakening, a harsh reminder that our kids truly must be our reason for going on. I know my daughter plays a huge role in my ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It makes me wonder how miserable life would be without kids. I can see it in trying to help my cousin Mercedes figure her life out, too. She doesn't have kids, and it's hard to explain just how much that contributes to being hopeless. How on earth do people who loose a child do it?

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Godsend link

If you read that link, you'd understand me. I finally started to understand me when I read it. Here's a few things that have happened recently that forced me to face this from the rocky bottom:

One of my friends posted a pic of her four nephews crashed out on the bed sleeping on it in the wrong direction and there's things on the floor in the back. She posted it like aww how cute but it struck a panic attack like oh crap,  I'd never post something like that. Someone would see imperfections and take my kid. I need some kind of help with how bad it's becoming.  I mean it is cute. Kids do awkward stuff like that all the time, and it's also funny. But social workers don't see it that way.

A part of Annalise's bedframe  was broken and I asked her dad to fix it. He did, but I was so adamant about not telling anyone and to keep it on the Down Low that her bed was like that etc. it was like we were doing a drug deal. He didn't get it, and I told him some pick the wrong battle CPS stories.

60 days of dumb choices

Do people still make resolutions for New Years, or have we as a society just resorted to making fun of them? I do have to say, that November and December were the two months of bad choices for me. Between my choices in the opposite sex (clearing throat) to ditching my car at a post office and junking it for $71 only to drain the bank to get a new one without test driving it and not realizing I had to transfer the title and what that would entail. (The night I ditched the corolla, I also got lost downtown at night because I was trying to take a bus I haven't taken in over a year and I seemed to be surrounded by crackheads.) About Thanksgiving time, I ran out of my meds except for the one I take for Tourette's and didn't bother to go back for more. According to the internet, this could have been a death sentence, but here I am. It's been long enough that I no longer have to "taper" (whatever that means). It's also been long enough to teach me my lesson that benzodiazepines are just not something I need or want in my life. In the long run, they hurt more than they help. I don't need medical help, because it's been so long, but a support group would be nice.
On Christmas Day, I talked this over with my cousin the shrink who started preaching to me again about therapy. I was like no. I hate therapy!  I told her it's a black hole. You never get better, you just keep having to go back and back and back to them. She said that's absolutely not true. I asked her how long, again, refresh my memory, has she been in therapy? I didn't need my memory refreshed. I know she's been in almost 20 years. I was just making my point. But it hit a nerve with her, enough to call me a "brat" and then back it up with a very psychiatric rescue statement that being a brat was a common defense mechanism for me. Nice!  She rescued herself with something similar when talking about a mutual cousin being a whore. We are speaking again and I realized that she had just stormed out on her mother at Christmas dinner for being impossible. When I told my mom she stormed out on her, my mom said, "her mom? Impossible? No way!"  My mom still has humor.
Then there was loosing the cat, finding the cat again and my massive fear over irrational thoughts that the vet would turn me in for animal neglect/the temptation just to turn her in somewhere as a stray and live a lie to my own child. After our emergency vet appointment on Christmas Eve, when I was calmed by literally the nicest veterinarian in the world, I started having vivid flashbacks of working as a cps caseworker and all of the wrong-battle-picking that involved. That's a whole nother  blog post. I talked to my ex husband about some of it. He thought I would be going back since the governor ordered them to hire 5,000 more caseworkers and we really can't see 5,000 people wanting that job. I didn't tell him he was crazy. I just said, "if I did that, I'd need to get back in to therapy."  Which, see above, is not going to happen either.
What a whirlwind it has been. Luckily, last night started a string of good luck, and I hope it stays that way.
I'm also speaking again to my cousin Mercedes, who lost her younger brother in August. She's in a very dark place. She asked me how to get into what I used to do, which is working with the elderly in their homes. I didn't want to start another fight with her, but I had to be blunt. "First, you need to get clean, because those companies all drug test you."  She said she can pull that off. It would be better if she got clean for good, but with her, mainly because she was adopted out of our family at birth and reunited about 7 years ago, we let a lot of stuff slide. At least I didn't offer to be a reference.
Speaking of my late cousin Evan, his wife Jen lost her grandmother the day after Christmas. Smack in the face. I'm Facebook friends with both Jen and her mom. (It was her mom's mom).
Then there's all this about being so much death in 2016, that what if Betty White dies?  In fact, so manny ppl are so adamant about how Betty White better not die that I just hope Betty White isn't secretly somewhere on life support, waiting for the clock to strike midnight to pull the plugs just because of all the Betty White better not die in 2016 memes. Who wants to turn on their tv on New Year's Day to "Betty White died peacefully today surrounded by blah blah" and then have everyone crap all over 2017?  Let her either die before New Years or in 2018, 2019, 2024 for all I care!
I just want 2017 to be a better year, with or without Betty White.

Monday, December 26, 2016

"Welcome to motherhood"

I found out that last month, a former coworker and good friend of mine lost her mom unexpectedly. About five days later, she gave birth to her first child, a boy. In the comments, some people were telling her "welcome to motherhood". I'm not sure that's an appropriate comment for someone who just lost her own mom. "Congratulations, he's beautiful " sufficient for me. It must be a time of whirlwind emotions for her right now. I messaged those closer to her to keep a closer eye on her and reach out if she needs it.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Facing fears for your child's sake

I took Tiger to the emergency veterinary yesterday, Christmas Eve morning. Since she had been missing for over two weeks and was assumed dead being an indoor cat, I had to get her looked over. I'll be honest with you I was scared to death to take her in to get checked out. I thought they would charge me with animal cruelty. That's the former child abuse worker shadow coming out in me. But in reality, the vet was the nicest guy in the world. I was so tempted to just sneak into a shelter somewhere and be like hey I found this cat and idk who she belongs to, because I had already broken it to Annalise that she was most likely dead. But that would not just be a little white lie, and it would have been too huge a lie between me and my daughter so I faced my irrational fears and did the right thing and told the truth the whole way along.
My cousin the shrink said, "yeah cats sneak off and vets know that."  I said, "Toddlers sneak off too, and CPs is not so understanding."  She said toddlers are supposed to be better supervised. Touché.
Tiger is fine all in all, and she got a deworming. She lost a lot of weight and only weighs 7 lbs now. She is eating and pooping a lot. My mom gave me a gas station gift card for Xmas, but I used some of it on baking soda for the litter box, because damn.

Houston turns into Rio

So, that happened. I had no idea you had to fill out forms to feed the homeless. I'm not in compliance,  then. Since I work out of my car while doing postmates and Uber eats, I pack a lot of non perishable snacks and hand them to homeless people often. The snacks are for me, too,  I mean I can't always go through drive ups.

I forgot that the Super Bowl will be here this year. That will be good for business, but like this article says, we seem to be going in the direction Rio went in in their treatment of homeless and at risk population due to both the Olympic Games and the soccer thing. (Oh yeah, it was called the World Cup).

I make a lot of deliveries to elite high rise condos that house rich people who tip me well. 15 years ago, when I was apartment hunting here, some of these same buildings were the projects. Some of the rents in those buildings in 2002 were $400 a month and considered the ghetto. Now they are renovated with concierges and maids and all sorts of amenities. Gentrification abounds here. I didn't have to learn about it in a textbook.

I don't know what the answer is. I'm looking forward to making good money when tourists come here for the super bowl, but I'm not in favor of displacing anyone either. Does this make me half capitalist, half socialist?

Friday, December 23, 2016

Annalise's Christmas miracle

I'm For those of you that don't know, Annalise's kitty Tiger ran off for over two weeks. Since she has been an indoor cat her whole four years of life, we thought she was gone for good. Today I came home from my parents, and she was back!!!  She was hesitant to come up to me at first, but I approached her slowly. She is now back inside. She'll never be let on the balcony again!  That was one of our family's favorite pastimes, to just chill on the balcony. I thought both cats knew not to jump down, but Tiger proved me wrong. Annalise is on her way over now with her dad to be surprised with her Christmas prayer answered.  Emergency vet appt tomorrow at 8 am.
Update:  Annalise was literally sobbing with happiness when she saw Tiger.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Sadness in the world

Postmates was asking people to walk around certain places to hang door hangers as a marketing effort and paying pretty good for it, too. I took them up on it quickly and went to one neighborhood on the list a couple weeks ago. As I was walking from one group of condos to another, I passed by the Chinese consulate. A Chinese woman handed me a flyer. I said thank you without even looking at it and in return handed her a postmates advertisement. As I walked to the next group of condos, I read her pamphlet-it was an advocacy effort to stop people from going into the poorest parts of China and killing the people in order to harvest their organs. I did some research and found out that this is really going on. For years, I have wondered if international orphans without adequate records were really orphans, or were they kidnapped for financial gain. Now I wonder if some were children of these people. Only God knows. We live in a mad world.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Ibotta Facebook drama

Theres a huge bonus in the ibotta app- if you redeem 80 grocery rebates in the month of December, you earn a $20 bonus. The app does not tell you how many rebates you have earned towards that bonus. It only tells you your percentage of the way there. So, a lady in the Facebook group was confused. She couldn't tell how many more rebates she needed to get the $20 bonus. The app was only telling her she was 60% of the way there. Now, I learned that in probably 4th grade. Take 80, multiply it by .6 and you get 48. That means she's already redeemed 48 grocery rebates. She needs to redeem 32 more.

It's frustrating. To be good at this, you need to know basic math.

Also, there was an error bonus that I missed. Apparently, it said you will receive a $10 bonus if you redeem 3 grocery rebates. Rule of thumb: if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. If it takes 80 rebates to redeem $20 bonus, then 3 rebates for a $10 bonus must be an error. Ibotta retracted it the next day, but there was a social media firestorm. Ladies needed to seriously calm down.

I've not been shopping. I have a lot of things.  There's not a chance I'm getting the $20 bonus.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

I see myself

in a weird way, this young woman reminds me of myself.

Why do religions kill?

Monday, December 12, 2016

New Car Hassles

It has been tough learning to drive this Acura.  Ever since I started driving as a teenager, this thing pictured above has always been a straight line.  I'm not used to all this slide to the left, slide to the right stuff.  And, there's 5 versions of D.  I had to make some calls to make sure which D to use, because some of the D's also slide to the left and slide to the right.

There is a horrible tint job on the rear window that makes it very hard to see out the back window.  My neighbor told me to use a blowdryer and slowly pull it off.  Because of the annoying tint, one of my friends calls the car my "air force one".  I'm at my parents' now, since I don't own a blow dryer.

Last month, I paid for 6 months of car insurance.  But, they would not insure this car, because it had once been rear ended.  I found new insurance and canceled the old policy.  The old insurance issued my bank a refund for the 5 remaining months, but the bank is holding it for 7-10 days.  Merry Christmas!

This car is also big, and it's an acquired skill to make turns in bigger cars.

The good news is the car runs great and has no major issues.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Helen Original

We were talking about how 2017 is going to be a better year. My mom said, "You'll be 39. That's a great age."  I sadly said that's the age Amelia Earhart was when she died. My mom said, "well that was her own damn fault."

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Worst nightmare

I worked at the children's museum of Houston from 2006-2012.  Last month, a child was molested
When I worked there, there were such good security measures in place. Every adult had their driver's license scanned. There were guards at all doors. What happened?  Tell me this isn't true

Old car

I get so attached to cars, and it's so hard to let them go. But mine had 3 leaks, a horrible paint job, two   Non working doors, all the ceiling fabric pulled off and random dings. The cash for junk cars place gave me $71 for it. My mechanic had a fit man.  He told me to call this place, call that place, etc to try to get more. But I was so tired, I wasn't about to haggle with anyone. I know the car was a piece of crap. My new one is a white Honda accura. Feels so good to finally be off my feet after a few days

Monday, December 5, 2016


The joys of having aging parents. You have to keep up with their lies, because they don't remember what they were.

Friday, December 2, 2016

No abandon

"God will not abandon you. So don't you abandon us."  1:25-1:39

Loosing salvation

I was never taught that you could loose your salvation. There were mind games when I was growing up. They'd tell you you were "never really saved in the first place " but that you can't "lose" it. I never thought before now how someone must feel if they believe they've lost theirs.

I would post a picture of Job from the Bible,
But how on earth can you post pics on the blogger app?  Ugh

I can imagine that believing you lost your salvation feels a lot like Job's despair.  The difference is isnthat Job never abandoned God. He said, "The Lord
Givers and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

And in the end, Job was blessed again multiple times over. But for someone who feels they've "lost" their salvation, is there even that kind of hope left?  It all seems so dark and hellish. How do you convince someone that God will never abandon them?

New (to me) car

wish I could post pics, but iOS 10 makes it near impossible. I'm buying a new car from my mechanic. My old black toyota is slowly dying. I'm going to offer to give it to my mechanic, but honestly I don't think he can afford to fix it up enough to sell.  The paint job is horrible and a ton of things are leaking. It has structural damage. The ceiling fabric is all torn off. I get attached to cars, so this is hard. The "cash for junk car" place offered me $81. Ha!  The new one is a white Honda Civic with a rebuilt transmission .  Much better paint,  no leaks. He has the whole history of what was done to it. I'm just just waiting on my mom now to take me there. I need stuff out of the car and I need to wait for the junk people. My mechanic has a lot of customers that can't afford to get their cars out of the shop, -'d that all falls on him, which is why I think he can't fix my Toyota enough to sell. I think the paint job alone would be almost $500. Here's to better days.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016


After an extremely rough November, I have been blesssed the last couple of days. Yesterday, 3 babies were born into my family. I will also be working part time for the agency that gives families interest free loans for adoption. (Never quitting postmates or uber eats!)  There are a lot of barriers for families who want to adopt. Money is by far not the only one, but it starts with money. May God help me

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Two ideas

It has been made clear to me to go back to working with children. Think about God telling Moses, "WHO MADE MAN'S MOUTH?!?!"
It's been made clear to me that I was sent here to remain celibate, have no more children, and devote the rest of my life like I did when I was 19. The gods are not letting me off the hook.

One idea is more positive and one a little iffy.  The positive one is the Rebecca Foundation for free
Cloth diapers. I love cloth diapers, they are so much fun!!! Since Annalise was born in early June, she often wore just a super cute all in one diaper and t shirt.

The iffy one is an organization that offers interest free loans for families who want to adopt. Keep in mind that working with abused kids for 17 years has put a cynic in me. I personally wonder what percentage of thekids are actually orphaned and which are kidnapped and sold. Like why does it have to be expensive?  Realistically all you'd have to pay for are your travel experiences and your lawyer. But I'm not letting that stop me. I will learn as I discover which kids have records.

I filled out both forms over the holiday.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

How I differ from others

In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.

Anne FrankThe Diary of a Young Girl

I don't like to see evil, or the devil in people. I like to look on their good side. We all have one.  

Moses the advocate

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Forbidden love tattoo

I'm getting one.
All my life, I've been condemned and punished for being in a relationship, even married.
Lately, a young man and I developed feelings for each other. That's normal, right?  No. He's actually not allowed to have a darn thing to do with women, not even "thoughts". Our thoughts have been considered from the devil. That hurt more than anything else. I may have even gotten him in serious trouble, though there's no way to know.
I chopped off all my hair. My tattoo will be a heart and infinity symbol made from bared wire with the word "forbidden". I don't know why God sent me here to be alone.  And if he is in trouble in any way, I wish I could take it all for him.
Life has been hell the past couple days.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Why be beautiful

I used to think a woman's long hair was her crown of glory. I stopped believing that yesterday and chopped it. The truth is, we have no crown of glory. It's been taken from us. 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

I can understand both of these people. I can be both of them. I have both perspectives. Love and companionship is a natural human desire, but your gift is also your curse and friendship is all you have to give. And sometimes not even that.

A calling is truly a gift and a curse. But what can you do? Just like God hath said what He
Hath joined together, let no man put asunder. In the same way, I believe there are people who wish they could be together forever, but due to His calling on their lives, God Himself puts them asunder. And however much it hurts, it is what it is.

Sometimes there is not even friendship to be given.

As I grow closer to God, I realize that He wants me to go back to working with children at risk.
It's a religious calling to me, and often the religious calling of the one you have found that you have feelings for each other may force you to never see him again.

I think most of all, besides stopping having feelings for this person, I need to have to stop having feelings that God is sometimes a jerk. Just like Peter Parker said in that clip, I can't tell you everything. There was, and will be too much evil and ugliness. But learning today about gratitude, thank God I was reminded of all the ways I brought light into the darkness. I can do it again.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

cant say it anymore

There is a Greek phrase: Eimai Aroste.  It means "I'm sick."
My mom often told me about her aunt. Every time they asked her how she was, she'd totally exaggerate the phrase.  "Eeeeeeemaaiiii  aaaaarosteeee."
my parents and i sort of picked it up.  First my mom did, then i did.
i found out that my great grandmother died at age 45.  I asked my mom what happened.  She said that aunt murdered her with a pillow in her face.
A few minutes later, I found out my great grandmother's name ~ Maria Kolidis Papadatos.  I decided I'd never ever use that phrase again, because the woman we got it from killed my great grandmother.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Annalise's ancestrydna test

it will be about a month before we ger her results, but we did the test yesterday:

mine was so rewarding.  Her father doesnt know or care what he is. His stepmother does, but Annalises grandfather doesnt know or care, just like his son.  i hope she has native american.  I had way less than 1% Native American, so if she has a considerable amount, then it comes from John.

My mother wants to do it to , to make sure my 10% jewish didnt come from her.  I said than buy yourself one, you anti-semitic.  I think it really is from my dad. He has looked jewish since he was very young

Friday, November 11, 2016


Extreme couponing brag:

I had a $4 off for duo fusion heartburn chews and the Ibotta rebate was also $4 back. So I just spent 49 cents on an $8.49 thing.

It all makes me feel so accomplished,  like I can be a blessing to others and myself  

Monday, November 7, 2016


Congrats to my friend Lupe from the children's museum and her husband George. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Pimp doc

That's my mom and her orthopedic doctor. She had an appointment on Halloween, and I think he was supposed to be Zorro. But he looks like a pimp to me. He cannot convince my mother to have knee surgery. Last time she went under the knife, she had an NDE, but won't talk about it. 


Today would have been Evan and Jennifer's 4th wedding anniversary. I miss you so much kiddo

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Prayers needed

Officer Williams was a security guard at the children's museum when I worked there. This is him and Annalise on Halloween 2011. He has had two strokes in a row and is not doing well. Prayers are needed. He was a cop in New Orleans and suffered some PTSD from hurricane Katrina. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion (Video)

I don't know why I'm on such an R.E.M. kick.  A I back in high school?  Loosing my religion- I have officially lost my parents' religion.  I want nothing to do with it anymore.  My parents do not know that I talked to their priest, but I did.  My main concern was making sure my brain got donated to research for my neurological condition if I died before my parents.  To make a long story short, he asked me if I "repented" of my "relationship" with Annalise's father.  Annalise's father and I were legally married in the courthouse, but we were not married in the church.  In the church's eyes, that means I wasn't really married.  They see it as, I was shacking up and had a baby out of wedlock.  I told the priest, no.  I don't repent.  We were married legally.  It ended sadly, but I cannot regret something that gave me my child. 

He then said that unless I went to confession and repented, I could not take communion.  I was like ok, bye.

Good news is, I think I'm joining another church.  My next lesson is in less than 2 hours. 

R.E.M. - The One I Love

I totally forgot about this song.  I don't even think I've even thought about this song since I was in high school.  But, ever since Evan passed away, it has been stuck in my head on and off.  I found a couple of archived voicemails from Evan, and his voice really did sound like the lead singer of R.E.M.  (Never heard Even sing, but the voice of the lead singer reminds me of him.  The song reminds me of his wife and child.  He would have never left them, never in a million years. 

It is very different to loose someone young and healthy who dies instantly than it is to loose someone old/sick.  It's extremely different, and I don't care what anyone says. 

Friday, October 28, 2016

Would you

Age 5

Anna and me. Resemblance?

Whack election

This election is taking the cake. 

1.  Texas is now on the verge of being a swing state. Have pigs flown?

2.  Evan McMullen, whom I've never heard of until the other day, has a great chance of being the first third party candidate to win electoral votes. 

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

A hard pill to swallow

I had a second appointment with a psychiatrist this morning.  My neurologist was hinting that she really can't do my anti-depressants forever and pushed for me to find someone. 
At this second appointment with him, I broke down a little and told him some tidbits about the past.  He took notes and asked me a string of questions, and then gave me an answer I did not know was coming:
He diagnosed me with Complex PTSD. 
I also have a stomach virus.  I'm home trying to process all of this. 

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

How My Daughter Saved my Life

I was thinking back to 2003 when eHarmony told me I was "unmatchable".  I was floored, then mad, then visited another singles' site where I eventually met Annalise's father.  Now I look back and think, maybe eHarmony was right.  I don't say that in a complaining way.  Being single has its benefits.  But I do say this- at least I got to have a child.  Some people get to be my age, never find Mr. or Mrs. right, and they never have a child at all.  I got lucky.
Today, I had one of the biggest panic attacks of my life.  It was complete with chest pains and profuse sweating, trembling, and vivid flashbacks.  I got home and calmed down some.  There was still time before I had to go get Annalise from school, so I watched a Netflix Documentary about the Syrian White Helmets. 
I think that if I did not have a child at this point in my life, I would be using my life recklessly yet with good cause.  I'd be a very public whistleblower ready at all times to face retaliation.  Or, I would join some very drastic humanitarian thing like the White Helmets, not caring if I died.  Working 17 years with abused kids put that kind of a person in me.  When I was 19 years old, I didn't think It would be like this. 
As I walked my daughter home from school, and she told me about her day I realize that not only did she save my life by being in it, but in a very strange way, she's bringing me back full circle to the wide eyed idealism I  had when I was a teen. 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Uber Eats

I signed on with two of Postmates' competitors- Door Dash and Uber Eats.  Me and Door Dash weren't meant to be.  (It's not as worth it as Postmates), but Uber Eats is a pretty sweet deal.  I am not an "Uber driver", that is, I am not driving people around in my car.  I don't like people in my car, and besides, I curse at other drivers.  Uber Eats is just like Postmates in that you can order food from any restaurant you want and have it delivered (by someone like me). 
There are many upsides to Uber that Postmates doesn't have.  Firstly, we are allowed to take cash tips.  Postmates doesn't allow us to take cash tips, because there is an option for customers to tip on the app.  Secondly, after 25 deliveries with Uber eats, I was eligible for "instant pay".  That's where you press a button and the money you have in queue automatically goes to your checking account for only 50 cents. And I mean instantly- not the next morning.  I tried it the first time they notified me that I was eligible, entered my debit card, and once I was done for the day, went to the ATM to deposit my cash tips.  When I got my receipt, I was surprised to see that it was already in there. 
Thirdly, Uber is offering retirement savings.  Fourthly, if I ever do get my mouth under control on the road, they finance you a car for this.  I hate car sales men!
Postmates changed their eligibility to remain active to once every 90 days instead of once every 30 days.  So since I did Postmates the other day, I technically don't have to do it again until the calendar says 2017. 
As for working with the elderly, I am doing that independently now instead of with a company.  I make almost twice as much and it is also cheaper for the client.  I just had to pay out of pocket for my own background checks and I also purchased some drug tests, even though my last client didn't ask me for one  
My last client was 97 and passed away recently, so it's uber and postmates until I feel like going back on the website for independent caregivers. 
As far as my jewelry design, I am making a handful of etsy sales here and there, but last night someone invited me to a showcase event called "RAW artists".  Uhm- am I ready for that?  It sounds so upscale.  I'm supposed to meet with her Monday, so we'll see.  I'm not so sure about it.  I'm wondering if she'll charge me a ton of money. 

Monday, October 3, 2016


I went for a walk, and all of these coins were in the grass. They total $3.49. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

The good cat mommy

Tiger was bleeding from the urinary tract and needs this medicine. Annalise is the only person Tiger likes, so it's up to her to give it to her. She did a great job!  Don't judge me because there are no bed sheets. They are being washed. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Jewelry making win

I ordered these Yin/Yangs from Oriental Trade a while ago, and they were advertised as pendants. They are far too small to be pendants. I was looking across my stash the other day, and I realized how nice they'd look on these ear hooks. They are now in my etsy shop for $3 a pair, and 11 pairs available. 

I think my next move is Macramé. I have A LOT of different kinds of string and cord. 

Jewelry making epic fail

I bought this hole puncher. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to try and make a hole in blue Botswana agate. It just made it split in half. Botswana agate is striated. Duh. Oh well, now I have two. To wire wrap. 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Three fictional characters that describe you

This is a Facebook challenge right now, to post pictures of three fictional characters that represent you. It took me a while. I finally came up with:
The mother of Judging Amy (Tyne Daly)
Mary from "Saved:The Movie" 
Diane Lane's character from "Under the Tuscan Sun". 

Friday, September 23, 2016

Requesting excommunication

I have pondered this. I have pondered writing a letter to the archdiocese of my parents' denomination to request excommunication. The need to do it more officially is more real now that "just not showing up". Evan's death has taught me just how strict they are on who may have a funeral and who may not; who may be present at the final resurrection and who may not. A lot of my questions are answered with "I don't know". But, they do know. They just don't want to say, because it's bad PR. 
If I died before my parents, they would go straight to their church, and I would be denied a funeral. I already know this. 
But to funeralize someone is human nature. Even animals are seen gathering around a dead one, appearing to be in mourning. To deny that has no affect on the deceased person, but is emotionally abusive to those they leave behind. 
Then I found online my parents' church's stance on people who voluntarily request this. There were such horrible things said, that I cannot repeat them here. It's best, after reading that, to just leave it alone. It would make life difficult for my parents. 

Judge not, lest ye be not judged. 

Monday, September 19, 2016

Great news!!!

Child Advocates of Houston has told me it's ok for me to donate 25% of sales from my etsy shop to them and to promote it as such. 

Again, here is my Etsy link:

I have updated the description with a video to learn more about Child Advocates. This will go on until December 21st. 

Philanthropy sells!

Monday, September 12, 2016

Old blog

This binder contains printouts of my blog from 2007-2009 and my lame attempt at "scrapbooking". I gave it to Annalise, and she adores reading about her baby years. 

Hepburn quote

I disagree. I discovered this in my late teens and snapped at age 36. Maybe it would have been easier to realize it when I got older so that when I got burned out, it would be the end of life.

Rebate queen

Bananas and zucchini are back in the fresh produce section of Ibotta rebates. Hooray!  These are easy to spend only a little over 25 cents on. I put the fresh bananas in the blender with banana baby food and stick it in the freezer. Makes good "ice cream". I sautée the zucchini, and when I turn off the heat, I throw cheese or nutritional yeast. 

Pics lately

Sunday, September 11, 2016

9/11 Jumpers (new video)

I posted this video last year, but the original was banned due to copyright infringement because he used the song "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" By Moby. 
Thankfully, he made a brand new one. 

I remember right after 9/11 happened, I remember the "jumpers" being judged for their choice. It was seen as not trusting God. It made me ill to hear people talking like that. That's why I'm glad this narrator made the clarification, "At those moments, there were no suicides, only murders."  

He asks again in this second video what choice we would make. Last year, I didn't know. But now I think I do know. I have spent a life time being barraged about the authenticity of my faith. It has caused an identity crisis that can match no other. 

Because of it, I could not have spent my final moments being burned alive in a last hope to prove something. If I was doubted in life, I might as well be doubted in death.  I would have jumped and spent my last ten seconds feeling like I was flying. 

Never forget. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Blessed are the Peacemakers

My Ancestry DNA results shook me up a bit- not as much as I thought. I did not bawl, but my eyes did well up. 

While I was expecting 100% Greek and only got 68% Greece/Italy, most of my other DNA comes from basically Middle Eastern and Jews. They have been fighting for God knows how long, and I am both of them. Blessed are the Peacemakers. 

Ancestry DNA

I got my Ancestry DNA results back. 

Italy/Greece: 68%
Caucasus (Turkey): 12%
European Jewish: 8%
Eastern Europe: 7%
Western Europe: 2%
Iberrian Peninsula: >1%
Middle East: 2%.