Saturday, October 22, 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

A hard pill to swallow

I had a second appointment with a psychiatrist this morning.  My neurologist was hinting that she really can't do my anti-depressants forever and pushed for me to find someone. 
At this second appointment with him, I broke down a little and told him some tidbits about the past.  He took notes and asked me a string of questions, and then gave me an answer I did not know was coming:
He diagnosed me with Complex PTSD. 
I also have a stomach virus.  I'm home trying to process all of this. 

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

How My Daughter Saved my Life

I was thinking back to 2003 when eHarmony told me I was "unmatchable".  I was floored, then mad, then visited another singles' site where I eventually met Annalise's father.  Now I look back and think, maybe eHarmony was right.  I don't say that in a complaining way.  Being single has its benefits.  But I do say this- at least I got to have a child.  Some people get to be my age, never find Mr. or Mrs. right, and they never have a child at all.  I got lucky.
Today, I had one of the biggest panic attacks of my life.  It was complete with chest pains and profuse sweating, trembling, and vivid flashbacks.  I got home and calmed down some.  There was still time before I had to go get Annalise from school, so I watched a Netflix Documentary about the Syrian White Helmets. 
I think that if I did not have a child at this point in my life, I would be using my life recklessly yet with good cause.  I'd be a very public whistleblower ready at all times to face retaliation.  Or, I would join some very drastic humanitarian thing like the White Helmets, not caring if I died.  Working 17 years with abused kids put that kind of a person in me.  When I was 19 years old, I didn't think It would be like this. 
As I walked my daughter home from school, and she told me about her day I realize that not only did she save my life by being in it, but in a very strange way, she's bringing me back full circle to the wide eyed idealism I  had when I was a teen. 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Uber Eats

I signed on with two of Postmates' competitors- Door Dash and Uber Eats.  Me and Door Dash weren't meant to be.  (It's not as worth it as Postmates), but Uber Eats is a pretty sweet deal.  I am not an "Uber driver", that is, I am not driving people around in my car.  I don't like people in my car, and besides, I curse at other drivers.  Uber Eats is just like Postmates in that you can order food from any restaurant you want and have it delivered (by someone like me). 
There are many upsides to Uber that Postmates doesn't have.  Firstly, we are allowed to take cash tips.  Postmates doesn't allow us to take cash tips, because there is an option for customers to tip on the app.  Secondly, after 25 deliveries with Uber eats, I was eligible for "instant pay".  That's where you press a button and the money you have in queue automatically goes to your checking account for only 50 cents. And I mean instantly- not the next morning.  I tried it the first time they notified me that I was eligible, entered my debit card, and once I was done for the day, went to the ATM to deposit my cash tips.  When I got my receipt, I was surprised to see that it was already in there. 
Thirdly, Uber is offering retirement savings.  Fourthly, if I ever do get my mouth under control on the road, they finance you a car for this.  I hate car sales men!
Postmates changed their eligibility to remain active to once every 90 days instead of once every 30 days.  So since I did Postmates the other day, I technically don't have to do it again until the calendar says 2017. 
As for working with the elderly, I am doing that independently now instead of with a company.  I make almost twice as much and it is also cheaper for the client.  I just had to pay out of pocket for my own background checks and I also purchased some drug tests, even though my last client didn't ask me for one  
My last client was 97 and passed away recently, so it's uber and postmates until I feel like going back on the website for independent caregivers. 
As far as my jewelry design, I am making a handful of etsy sales here and there, but last night someone invited me to a showcase event called "RAW artists".  Uhm- am I ready for that?  It sounds so upscale.  I'm supposed to meet with her Monday, so we'll see.  I'm not so sure about it.  I'm wondering if she'll charge me a ton of money. 

Monday, October 3, 2016


I went for a walk, and all of these coins were in the grass. They total $3.49. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

The good cat mommy

Tiger was bleeding from the urinary tract and needs this medicine. Annalise is the only person Tiger likes, so it's up to her to give it to her. She did a great job!  Don't judge me because there are no bed sheets. They are being washed. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Jewelry making win

I ordered these Yin/Yangs from Oriental Trade a while ago, and they were advertised as pendants. They are far too small to be pendants. I was looking across my stash the other day, and I realized how nice they'd look on these ear hooks. They are now in my etsy shop for $3 a pair, and 11 pairs available. 

I think my next move is Macramé. I have A LOT of different kinds of string and cord.