Wednesday, November 22, 2017

I'm terrible

I found this pic online.  I have no idea where.  So I sent it to my ex husband and said, "Good thing I was wearing socks."

Then Annalise came home and said her dad and stepmom were fighting.  I said, "About what?"  She said, "I'm not sure.  But they mentioned you wearing socks."

Tuesday, November 21, 2017


Today I saw my neurologist. I needed her to compile a statement based on my medical records stating that I’m a fit parent. My lawyer doesn’t need to see all of my medical records- he just needs official statements from the docs. I was a little worried about this. A long time ago, I told my neurologist that going 24 years without a diagnosis (from first onset at age 7 to official diagnosis at age 31) was actually a blessing in disguise. It made me have amazing self control. Others with my conditions who have accommodations made for them don’t have that reason to work hard. If I tell anyone (which really is not often) that I have Tourette’s, they either think I’m lying or they tell me they can not tell. To me, that’s a good thing. I’d rather be called a liar!!!

Besides, thinking back to when I was a kid- my mom in an ARD meeting?!?!?!  Omg, that would have turned Jerry Springer real fast.

 But I don’t want them to think that because I feel this way about my own childhood illness, that I will ignore my stepdaughter’s needs. I told my neurologist to please keep that opinion of mine out of her statement to be filed with the court, but she didn’t remember saying it. I said yeah and reminded her how she cracked up laughing when I said my mom in an ARD meeting would have turned Jerry Springer. Then she remembered and said that she would redact it.

Then I told her I needed a higher dose, even though I don’t, just so I could get another prescription. Healthcare is going to hell in a hamdbasket. We need to stock up.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Bad news first, then some silver lining

I asked my cousin/ best friend for life to be my maid of honor, and she turned me down for ethical reasons.  She doesn't approve that I'll be marrying a man who was married before with two children.  This is despite the fact that I was married before and have a daughter from my previous marriage.  She thinks having three kids as opposed to only one will "strap" me more and I won't be as career successful.  I can't tell you what a stab in the heart it is to ask your best friend for life to be your maid of honor and have her tell you no like that.  In fact, when I broke it to her in 2009 that I was going through a divorce, she encouraged me with these exact words:  "Danielle, you've been reinventing yourself for as long as I've known you."

My sadness turned to anger and in that anger I put an inappropriate post on facebook, which I later deleted.  It said, "That moment when your best friend for life won't be your maid of honor due to stupid feminist principles."

Before I deleted it, one of my younger cousins saw it.  She texted me and said she'd never been a bridesmaid and would be happy to be my maid of honor if I'd let her.  I immediately called her and said of course!  When I was 3 years old, I was the flower girl for her parents' wedding.  My only memory of that day is stopping in the middle of the aisle and looking behind me at her mother's beautiful white dress as she walked down the aisle.  Then I remember my aunt Diane half coming out of her pew and coaxing me to keep going and keep throwing flowers.

My younger cousin seems to want to go all out, though, like I'm having a big fat Greek wedding!  I'm not, really.  Usually in huge Greek weddings like that, the maid of honor will buy the bride and groom some kind of figurine and have a bridal shower.  She's already mentioned the shower- to be in Chicago!  She lives in Chicago, and we have a lot of family there that will not make it to the wedding.  I never in a million years thought I'd have a shower.  She was super excited and said that she knows a good restaurant with a party room to have it at.  I was like- uh.  I really don't need all of that.  Have it at the house?  I don't know.  Ugh.

This is another obstacle we are facing- finding a place to live.  My boyfriend wants to live very close to my ex husband to keep him happy.  He knows it's a constant fear of mine that I'll just do one thing to make him mad enough at me to never let me see Annalise again, even though I'm the custodial parent.  The rational side of me knows better, though. My ex husband never really forgave his mother for keeping him from his real dad and lying to him that his real dad wanted nothing to do with him.  (He definitely did).  My ex has even said to me, "I'd never do that to you, let alone to HER!"

But he thinks the schools in that suburb are so awesome.  I don't.  I like the schools in Houston, because there is way more school choice.  His suburb has no magnet schools at all. Annalise has always said that she wants to be a doctor, and I've always wanted to send her to a magnet high school in inner city Houston for kids who want to be doctors.  My stepdaughter has some special needs, and that suburb is not as great as Houston for IEP's and ARD's.

The good news is that my boyfriend emailed me a link to a house for sale only about 2,000 feet away from my ex husband's house.  Even though I don't like the suburb, I really like this house.  It has 4 bedrooms and this porch thing/area that could easily be turned into another huge room.  The back yard it average, but I could make a garden work in it.  The owners seem to be financially desperate and willing to slide a lot on the price.

But here's the thing- my ex husband said, "That's the bad side of the subdivision".  OMG are you kidding me?  Subdivisions have good sides and bad sides now?  What?  Why?  Wow! The GPS from this house to his says 0.4 miles, and you're going to tell me it's "bad"?  I was so angry again.  I'm so thankful for my "as needed" prescription for valium, because it's coming in handy!!  I just told him, "Fine.  We'll move into Houston like I want to.  It's better for jobs, and it's better for schools."  He argued that he doesn't want to drive into Houston to fetch Annalise.

Besides, here's another problem- there are very, very, VERY few places to live that are available due to the hurricane.  Everyone whose house became unlivable moved into an apartment, and there are no apartments.  If we get a house that had damage, that will look bad for the adoption.  That's why I say all the time that when I drive around town now for work, it seems like there are 10 times more homeless than there were before.

We'd be crammed into my parents' house, but it would work, only that would look bad for the adoption too.
The house I like on the wrong side of the subdivision will be gone soon, I'm sure of it, and something just has to come up miraculously at the right time.  

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Wish I could blog all of this

It’s all happening so fast. I mostly have gotten support, but
I have also been called dependent, co-dependent, “wanting to save the world” (for wanting to adopt
2 stepkids), not trusting God, “going to be tied down”, and I can’t think what else.

Surprisingly, my lawyer heard back from my boyfriend’s ex wife immediately, and I went
To the office to do a conference call with her. I held my phone under the table
And recorded it, but it can’t be posted due to privacy reasons. She got notarized  signatures to my lawyer ASAP.

Because of some of the negativity, I’m staying off of social media and wish I had an outlet. This is a long process that will have bumps in the road but in the end will be worth it.

When do I get to say yes to the dress?  Will I be able to post it?